Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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