he thought i was a dude.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
