I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
