Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
