so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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