I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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