party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
