Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
