And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
