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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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