i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
