i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
