weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
