Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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