You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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