I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
