I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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