SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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