I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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