McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
