my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
