Im at strip club and am horny
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
