Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
