R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
