eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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