You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
