she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize