Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
