He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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