Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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