guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
