i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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