He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
