WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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