my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Come see our sink grown plant.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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