ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
