i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
