he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
