Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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