Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
