That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
