Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
