Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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