I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
