sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
