how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
