so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
