remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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