The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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