I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
