you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
