I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
