I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize