Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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