At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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