He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
