Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
