i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
