She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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