I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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