You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
