Don't you send me to vm
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
