that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
