I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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