Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Swine flu. Run for my life!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Go christen that room with your naked body.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
