Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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