I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
