how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
