I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize