Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
