found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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