put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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