Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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