Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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