When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
