Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
