I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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