At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
