i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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