I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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