i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
