I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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