So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
