im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
