I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
