I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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