So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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