The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
