God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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