you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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